Wal-"Mall" Concept Pitched to Big Coal

…this just in from The Turnip…

Wal-"Mall" Concept Pitched to Big Coal

Southeast Kentucky --- Top-ranked Fortune 500 company Wal*Mart announced plans today for piloting a new concept for stores – the residential Wal*Mall. “We’re particularly interested in trying the concept in rural Appalachia, and equally excited to be partnering with the coal industry – after all, coal keeps our lights on,” head spokesperson, Amy Bettering told a press conference at the state capitol today. “We can think of no better way of assisting in the responsible managing of past mining sites in these beautiful mountains. The people deserve what Wal*Mart can bring them.”

“The idea makes sense,” Brent Samuelson with the Center for Rural Re-Structuring, commented. “Especially with the declining popularity of rural malls due to Wal*Mart’s unfortunate impact on local economies, combining the indoor store-to-store mall concept with the company’s supply capability gives consumers the best of both worlds.”

The concept includes establishing Wal*Malls on prior mountaintop removal sites. Harding Leighton, manager of three Legion Acres surface mines in Kentucky, thinks the idea will fly. “This gives us just another opportunity to continue the wonderful reclamation work we’ve respected for so long,” Leighton said.

Rather than one large store, which can often frustrate shoppers in their search for items, there will be indoor open walkways, similar to malls, leading to item specific mini-stores. For example, personal hygiene items will be in one store, similar grocery items in another, and bathroom and kitchen supplies in another, all within a pleasant park-like atmosphere protected from the environment. Additionally, residential units, ranging from one-bedroom studio apartments to three-bedroom condos, will line the outer perimeter of the property and be located at limited spots within the mall itself, giving shoppers Wal*Mart access within walking distance 24-hours per day. Due to the possibility of protests, several stores may even opt for gated community status.

The first pilot location is scheduled for groundbreaking this summer on the Lone Tree Mountain site above Emptyheaded Hollow, Kentucky. Official say the published time allotment for public comment has passed.